“Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.” — Ephesians 4:29 (NLT)
Why This Verse? Why This Focus?
I never expected one sentence in Scripture to become such a convicting filter for my everyday life. Yet here I am—learning (and relearning) how to live and speak on purpose, simply because this verse refuses to let go of me. It is the family verse we keep going back to. It is posted on our walls, written in our journals, and etched into our conversations.
Ephesians 4:29 was not chosen randomly. It was chosen intentionally—as a response to tension, to broken dialogue, and to our desire to raise a family culture rooted in God’s kingdom communication.
We wanted our home to reflect:
- Words that build, not break.
- Conversations that heal, not harm.
- A tone that matches our testimony.
And this verse did all of that. It gave our mouths purpose.
The Verse That Shifts the Atmosphere
Ephesians 4:29 is not just a verse about cursing or foul language—it is about how we speak as kingdom people. It calls us to something higher. Something more holy. It asks:
What are you doing with the power of your mouth?
That question has followed me through dinner tables, church pews, workplace meetings, family arguments, and quiet moments with my own thoughts. Every time I open my mouth, I have the power to:
- Stir up fear or release peace
- Inspire change or cause confusion
- Heal wounds or deepen them
And in our family, we wanted to choose the better part—we wanted to speak life on purpose.
What PURPOSE Has to Do With It
In 2019, I adopted the word PURPOSE as my Word of the Year. I was tired of living reactively, tired of unfinished writing projects, tired of drifting through months without a plan. I needed focus. I needed clarity. I needed to live and speak and act on purpose.
That year, I wrote:
“I want to act on purpose to accomplish several goals. I will need to be purposeful with my actions, thinking, and planning.”2019 Purpose
That intention spilled over into every area of my life: my writing, my teaching, my walk with God—and eventually, our home.
We began filtering everything—especially our speech—through the lens of PURPOSE.
What It Means to Speak With Purpose
Here is what Ephesians 4:29 taught us:
1. Purpose Means Stopping the Cycle of Destructive Speech
“Don’t use foul or abusive language...”
This part is not just about bad words—it is about bad patterns.
- Cutting sarcasm
- Passive-aggressive tones
- Harsh corrections spoken in anger
- Dismissive replies that shut people down
We had to name the way we spoke when we were tired, overwhelmed, or frustrated—and we had to take responsibility. Because if we are not aware, we cannot adjust.
2. Purpose Means Choosing to Say What is Good and Helpful
“Let everything you say be good and helpful...”
This requires intention. You cannot accidentally be encouraging.
You have to decide to build up.
You have to prepare to bless.
You have to pause before you pounce.
And in a home like ours—full of opinions, emotions, and differing schedules—we needed this more than we knew.
3. Purpose Means Focusing on the Outcome
“...so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.”
Every sentence we speak creates a ripple.
- Will our kids carry peace or pressure when they walk away?
- Will our spouse feel supported or shut down?
- Will our guests feel welcomed or judged?
This verse reminded us that words are seeds—and they either grow weeds or fruit. Our job is to sow encouragement on purpose.
The PURPOSE Acronym for Our Words
Our family started using the PURPOSE acronym as a way to check ourselves—our tone, our intentions, and our conversations.
P – Passionate
Speak with sincere love and presence. If I love you, you should feel it in the way I speak to you.
U – Understanding
Slow down and listen. Seek clarity before correction. Ask questions before assuming motives.
R – Resilient
Speak truth—even when it is hard. Do not shy away from necessary conversations. Be gentle, but firm.
P – Persistent
Keep showing up. Keep speaking life. Keep choosing words that lift, not because it is easy, but because it is right.
O – Optimistic
Let hope guide your tone. Refuse to speak from fear or frustration alone.
S – Serving
Use your words to meet a need—not just to be heard. Speak to heal, not just to win.
E – Empathy
Think about how your words will land, not just how they sound. Consider the heart behind the ears.
That is how we began transforming our speech. One word. One conversation. One choice at a time.
Family Confessions: How We Fell Short
I wish I could say this transformation was instant... but it was not.
There were days we got it right—and days we went back to old patterns. There were tears and apologies and do-overs. But even in the failing, purpose was still present.
Because purpose is not about perfection—it is about direction.
And every time we got off course, this verse pulled us back in.
A Family Culture of Encouragement
The greatest fruit of this verse in our lives has been a culture shift.
We now ask questions like:
- “Was that helpful?”
- “What could you have said instead?”
- “Was that word necessary, kind, or timely?”
And we celebrate good speech on purpose.
When someone encourages, apologizes, or chooses kind honesty—we notice it. We name it. We honor it.
Small Practices That Made a Big Difference
Our Daily Purpose Speech Reminders:
- Speak life, not death.
- If it is not helpful, hold it.
- Use your words to water, not wither.
Family Check-In Phrase:
“Let everything you say...” —We repeat this when someone’s tone slips or sarcasm spikes.
Sticky Note In Every Area of the House:
“Before you respond—pray, pause, and purposefully choose your tone.”
Fruit When Lived Out... and Loss When Neglected
When We Live This Verse:
- Our home feels peaceful—even when schedules are packed.
- Conflict gets resolved faster.
- We actually enjoy each other more.
When We Neglect It:
- Tension rises.
- Conversations spiral.
- Trust begins to erode.
Words either water or wither. That is the fruit. That is the cost.
Final Thoughts: Why We Will Never Un-Choose This Verse
There are a lot of Bible verses about love, family, faith, and growth—but Ephesians 4:29 gave us a blueprint for daily living.
It did not just shift how we speak.
It shifted how we:
- Parent with purpose.
- Partner with purpose.
- Pursue peace with purpose.
And when things feel messy, this verse calls us back to what matters. It calls us back to intention.
A Purpose Prayer for Our Family
Lord,
Thank You for giving us words—and for teaching us how to use them well.
Help us stop the cycles of criticism, sarcasm, and unkind speech.
Teach us to pause. To reflect. To speak on purpose.
Let our conversations build trust and not tension.
Let every word be seasoned with grace and full of life.
May our home be a place where hearts are healed and purpose is spoken.
We surrender our mouths to You. Use them for good.
In Jesus’ name,
Amen.
A Final Sentence to Remember
“My mouth is a mission field—use it for good.”
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